Deposed

Some people prove their cases for you.  I love the guy wearing the panty on his head, as the Coen Brothers would say:

More than they wanted ...

Answering interrogatories is one of the least fun parts of being an attorney.  But this attorney took his interrogatory answers all the way back ... literally!

My Clients Say Funny Things Too

While I haven't practiced law since the 60s like my dad, I also have had a few clients say and do some funny stuff.  Here are a few of my memories:

• I won a case for a man accused of ... ahem ... exposing himself to a Casey's employee.  He then asked if he could sue her for, "slander, you know, interrupting my characteristic."
• One client said he didn't want to run afoul of the "Environmental Collection Agency."
• I had a young and emotional divorce client.  He felt he had given his all to his marriage.  He tearily said, "I stuck everything I had into that woman."
• I once had a man ask me over the phone if I gave a free initial confrontation.
  

Great Comeback

You can tell how much the doctor hates this depo, but he ends up winning the day.

Observations from Washington State

My friend Clint Morgan, a partner at the Morgan Hill law firm in Olympia, Washington, came up with some of his clients' best stuff:

• A consult wanted me to sue another party for "declamation of character."
• A domestic violence victim presented to the court evidence to the court that she was "altercated."
• Many of my clients are in "agreeance" with with the other party.

Shortest Deposition in History

Please do not try this at home ...

Boys, boys!

A lawyer's version of a catfight.  I love watching the client's face.  It's like watching a tennis match:

T-Shirt of the Day

On Monday, October 26, 2009, in the Greene County Judicial Center in Springfield, Missouri, I actually saw a powerfully-built man go into Family Court with a t-shirt that read:

IF I WANT YOUR OPINION,
I WILL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU.

Clients Say The Funniest Things, Part One

My dad, Robert Wiley, practiced law for almost forty years before going on the bench in 2007. He is an inveterate collector of anything, and so he always kept a great running list of things that clients said to him. There are too many good ones to list all at once, but I'll post them a few at a time here. Here goes:

• A woman said she wanted to have her ex-husband's wages "squashed" (garnished?)
• A woman said her husband had "irresistible" brain damage.
• A man told him about a woman who had cancer, but it was "in remorse."
• A man complained about a car purchase, and said he was taking his complaint to the Bad Business Bureau.
• A woman in a divorce case said she had a problem with bugs, but had them "distinguished."
• A divorce client said her ex-husband's girlfriend's yard was full of "scrubbery" which she got from a "nursing place."

More to come.

In Case You're Thinking About Suing Satan ...

It's surprising that tort reformers haven't picked up this 1971 gem, whereby Gerald Mayo tried to sue the Dark Master, Satan, for placing deliberate obstacles in his way. Judge Weber, the U.S. District Court Judge for the Western District of Pennsylvania, found against Mr. Mayo, and for the Prince of Darkness, on the following reasoning:

"We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district." (Typical judge: try to make it a narrow decision!) And I don't know if you're a Pirates fan, but there is an argument to be made that Pittsburgh is, in fact, hell.

The judge tried to ship the case to New Hampshire, making a reference to The Devil and Daniel Webster, but in the end, just punted on the whole thing. He did say, however, that the Plaintiff might have been more successful bringing the suit as a class action ...

UNITED STATES ex rel. Gerald MAYO v. SATAN AND HIS STAFF, 54 F.R.D. 282 (1971)